I dragged myself out of bed at 5am this morning to go jogging (which is an important part of my ongoing rehab from knee surgery). My really early morning activities stirred Elijah who, at 6am, decided it was time to get up.
As it was Mummy's turn to sleep in this morning, Elijah had some time to fill before both parents were awake. The day was promising to be a hot one, but it was still cool enough that he was relaxed and in a playful mood.
All of the photos are links to larger, print friendly versions.
Elijah awoke from his nap while I was doing the previous blog post. I got him out of his cot and he raced into the study/studio because he could see his friend Homer in there. He got sidetracked when he caught sight of the computer. I had Picasa open with one of the photos on almost full screen.
I asked Elijah what he saw.
"Pyano!"
I pointed to the person playing the piano. "And who is that?"
Elijah's second Christmas, and first Christmas at home, was a comparatively quiet but joyous affair. In the lead-up to Christmas, Elijah saw Santa everywhere, was excited to see Santa, but not quite sure why. On Christmas morning, he knew something was up, because the door to the lounge room was closed. We kept him busy with the contents of his Santa stocking until we were ready to let him loose amongst the presents.
Elijah's grandfather (my father) hand crafted a wooden rocking horse and sent it via courier for us to assemble, which we did on Sunday night, hiding it in our room until late Christmas Eve. Elijah didn't seem to notice it at first, paying more attention to the lights on the tree, but he soon discovered what the rocking horse was all about.
I took advantage of my new 50mm portrait lens for my DSLR to take these shots of Elijah in the rocking horse.
Elijah had fun playing with his new toys. His favourites appear to be the fire truck from us and the Elmo Mobile Phone that his Day Care mum gave him. We weren't expecting a gift from her, but she put one in his bag on Friday. We put it under the tree to save for Christmas Day. He loves it and treats it with great reverence!
We bought him a doll for fine motor-skill development. The doll has clothes that zip, tie, button and buckle. It came in a pink box, which annoyed me no end, but Elijah liked both the doll...
...and the box! He's sitting in it below! One of his aunts gave him some musical instruments, on which he is performing his own improvised solo in the picture.
Christmas lunch was a bit of a milestone. We decided that Elijah was a big enough boy to eat at the table now, as opposed to his high chair. We removed the tray from the chair and put it on a lower setting so that he could sit with us. He was very confused about the lunch because he'd never tried cold cuts before. After a bit of experimentation, he decided he liked turkey, ham, egg yolk and croutons!
After a well-deserved nap, the afternoon was spent "helping" me make chocolate truffles, playing with the toys and generally being cute.
One of the consequences of our decision to stay home for Christmas this year is that my mother would not be able to see her one and only grandson. The last time she saw Bugs was for a couple of hours in April while Mummy was auditioning for Australian Idol. At the rate that Elijah is growing and changing, 8 months is like a lifetime. Instead of waiting until who knows when, Elijah's Nan decided to pay a visit for the weekend.
At first, Elijah didn't really want anything to do with this strange woman that was in house. In time however, he started to warm up to having another person who could shower him with cuddles, kisses and undivided attention (not to mention someone else to spend a bit of quality reading time with!). He had a fun time reacquainting himself with his Nan, and I'm sure she really enjoyed spending time with the boy, too.
Having Mum visit for the weekend also revealed to me how entrenched I have become in my own little routines and ways of doing things. It was a bit odd, actually, but it was good for me. It was wonderful to see her again. Our family isn't as obviously close knit as some, but I do miss them.
Our Family Day Care lady is finishing up. Today was Elijah's last day there. I'm planning on having Elijah in day care for two part-days a week next year so that I can get things done and maybe do a little relief teaching here and there. So I've been interviewing day care ladies. Unfortunately, we've been thoroughly spoilt. None of them measure up to the one we had these past few months. Elijah is going to miss her, her boys and her dog. He was really comfortable there. But it's not very feasible to be looking after somebody else's children when you have a newborn to rear.
So the search is on. At present, we have a choice between two carers. One of them has philosophies that align fairly closely with mine: she has a strict approach to food (i.e. no junk), approaches behaviour management with gentle methods and was willing to ensure the TV was not on in Elijah's presence. The other implied that she wouldn't honour my request to keep Elijah TV-free, baulked at the cloth nappies and had children in her care eating packets of chips. The first, however, appeared to be putting on a "front" for the interview. It was almost as if she was trying too hard. She didn't seem natural or comfortable talking to me. The second was much more approachable and relaxed. Elijah also felt more comfortable in her presence.
Which way do we go? Both carers have positives and negatives. Do I choose someone who complies with the way we want Elijah raised at the possible detriment to his emotional well-being or do I choose someone who makes him feel comfortable and safe at the possible expense of his health and mental development?
I guess the third option is that we choose neither of the two and hold out for the possibility of another, more suitable carer having openings on the days we want.
On Wednesday, Elijah and I set off on a road trip to Sydney and back in the one day. I was a little wary of how well Elijah would cope with being in the car for 8+ hours of driving in the one day, but surprisingly, it didn't seem to faze him at all.
We set off after 9am. By the time we'd reached the ACT/NSW border, he was asleep. He slept for about 90 minutes, waking about 5 minutes before the last possible pit stop before Sydney. We ate a quick lunch there, had a walk around and changed his nappy and drove on.
We arrived at our first destination early. Our host was still at work. Luckily for us, she works next door to where she lives, so we were able to chat and keep ourselves out of trouble.
Elijah particularly liked her guitar...
...and her hat. While we were there, he managed to find a can of softdrink that still had a little liquid left inside. He tipped it all over his top. Of course, this served as a reminder of when he poured hot tea over himself. He screamed, thinking himself burnt and expecting to be stripped and doused in cold water. He was stripped, but a cuddle was all that was needed.
We then drove to our second destination (getting a little lost on the way), the photographer's studio. We were intending to get there very early, to give Elijah time to settle in, as last time we had a photoshoot, the process was very rushed and the resulting shots were not very relaxed. We got there 5 minutes before our appointment, which fortunately was just enough time for him to get his bearings.
The photographer wasn't having much luck getting him to stand still until he thought of pulling over an ottoman and encouraging Elijah to drum. This resulted in some great shots! We did a few internal shots and then went walking around the suburb for some interesting externals. Hopefully the photos will be available soon, so I can post them here.
The appointment finished just after 5pm, so we drove back to our rest stop for dinner and then continued home. Elijah didn't particularly want to fall asleep, but by 9pm, he had crashed in his seat. The whole day was managed without tantrums or whinging. Success!
In November, we had a visit from Elijah's aunt and uncle and two of his cousins. Elijah had a fantastic time with them, playing lots of new games and learning to say their names. We went on a trek to the shops, where they bought him a bouncy ball (which has become a firm favourite) and to the park, where much frivolity was had by all. He particularly liked the game pictured here.
It's three days before he's 20 months, but it was more convenient to get him weighed and measured today than wait until next Tuesday for the free drop-in clinic.
Weight: 11.69kg Length: 84.5cm
He's therefore out of size 1 clothing for age and height, but not for weight, which explains why his size 1 shirts still fit him but not his pants. I figured he'd be in size 2 by Christmas. I think I'm right. He's definitely taking after his father with regard to body type. Poor me. I'm going to be the shortest in the family.
According to over thirty years of research, the secret is, in a nutshell, don't tell them they are smart. Focusing on effort, rather than ability, is what enables success in study and, more broadly, life.
Now this seems to me to be totally logical and common sense. As a teacher, I do this all the time. When a student has shown improvement, I tell them they must have worked very hard to achieve their results and that if they keep working at that level, they will continue to improve at a great rate.
However, when it comes to Elijah, I find I'm praising him for being "clever" much more often than for making an effort. Now I'm pretty sure that he is clever. But I don't want him growing up, not being able to cope with challenges in life. I've known brilliantly clever people who have ended up achieving far below their potential because they were just crippled by self-doubt and fear of failure. I don't want Elijah to be one of these people.
It's very difficult though, to praise a toddler for a concerted effort. Obviously, Elijah is constantly attempting new things and, as is natural for a child of his age, is improving all his skills. Does he understand the concept of effort? Does he even understand the concept of clever? He most likely has a positive association with the word "clever" because of the facial expression and tone used when it is said.
Are we setting our child up for future failure, or is it far too early to be concerned about setting him into a mind-set about intelligence and achievement?
At the very least, the article has illuminated the language that I use around and to Elijah and made me think about the possible consequences of my parental enthusiasm.
Because of my being needed a lot more at work lately and Elijah being in care and without me more often, he has become quite frantic when he can't spend time with me.
This is heartbreaking. It got to the point where he would scream as soon as we arrived at a particular carer's house. Now even when I'm teaching at home and he is with Daddy, he still throws tantrums because Mummy is not paying him attention.
I don't know how families with both parents in full-time work do it. I can't stand the guilt any more. I'm not going back to work next semester.
